see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
