That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
