my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
