Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
