Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
