the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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