At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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