She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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