i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
