bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
