my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
