Im at strip club and am horny
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
