I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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