Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
