i don't like sucking hair
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
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I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
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i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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