I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
