I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
