I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
