You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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