did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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