This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
