He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
