If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
