Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
