please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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