I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
