where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i barfeds in our rink
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
