Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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