I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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