I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
