You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
