So drunk its hurt
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
