so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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