my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
