my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
