The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
