forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
