And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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