Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
