at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
