I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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