Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
