I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woke up backwards on a recliner
how does that bad decision feel?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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