shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
