the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i dont even know how to be here
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
