she was so not down for the gang bang
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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