I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
