I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
