I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
