Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
