My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
