Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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