Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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