does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
