Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
