the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
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We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
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I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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