well most of my day revolves around power hour
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
