I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
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so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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