Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
