The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
