wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
