well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize