he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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