have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
