So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
