im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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