life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize