no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
