My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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