what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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