went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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